What We’re Worth

Did that last post feel like it came out of the blue? Nothing since February and then, Hey, let’s talk about chronic pain! It’s kind of funny, I guess, but after I started posting here, and people started interacting just a tiny bit, I think I felt weird. It was mostly unintentional, at least on a conscious level, but I think I shied away from my blog. People are actually reading what I write? I’ll say something stupid… What will they think of me?… I can’t do this…

It’s silly, I know. I really don’t know why I would react this way. I guess we don’t always have reasons for our feelings though. And that’s okay. I can accept that I am a pretty complex individual!

Still, this is important to me. Even if I say a bunch of wrong things and nobody understands what I really meant to say… I deserve a voice. This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. My worth. Each of our worth.

Have you ever asked someone why they love you or why they want to be your friend? I used to feel I had to prove myself to people, show that I was worth something so that they would want to be around me, would like me. Doesn’t life feel like a competition so much of the time? I sometimes still have a hard time with that! I pretty much like everyone I meet, but why would anyone want to like ME??

But I think that’s the crazy fun-house mirror that we all see ourselves in, where we’re so flawed and everyone else can out-perform us. It doesn’t have to be a competition, and it shouldn’t be. I clearly remember the day a dear friend challenged me on this. He was sweet and kind to me during a time in my life when I was sad, lost, and desperately needed support. I asked him constantly why he would be friends with me, why he would help someone like me, etc. I’m not sure what I thought he would say or what I hoped to hear, but he usually told me a good thing about myself and changed the subject. Clearly it wasn’t enough. Eventually, he stopped my questions and flatly told me, “Look, you’re my friend. Why does there have to be any more reason than that? You care about me and love and support me, right?” Well yes, of course… “Then it’s mutual. Stop trying to explain yourself away. I love you because you are my friend. I need no other reason than that.”

It sounds so simple, but I had never heard such a revolutionary thing before! Could I be enough for him, simply because I existed as his friend? Well it was certainly true in reverse, so… The idea was so shocking that it took weeks to start to sink in. I learned a lot from that man. (Sadly, I lost my friend very suddenly in 2016, but I like to think he might be one of my guardian angels now.)

And now? In the past week, I have been contemplating the idea of my worth. I know I have worth, yes. But the idea that, intrinsically, I have just as much worth as any other woman. That I am allowed to have needs, wants, desires, and this doesn’t make me selfish or self-centered. That who I am is genuinely enough to make me valuable, not only to anyone who might wish to love or befriend me, but to me. Because I’ve learned that we need to be valuable to ourselves in order to truly shine.

Now, there’s a whole other thread I’m realizing I have to follow, and that has to do with being a woman. I was married to a narcissist who said a lot of things about women and I have come to realize that I carry much guilt and even shame just for being myself. I love being a girl… but I never could see myself as a woman because women did all the bitchy, awful things my ex husband constantly complained about. The things he told me he was so happy I wasn’t anything like. In fact, the rare praise I got was in being told how unlike other women I was, so for about 15 years, I didn’t know how to relate to my own kind almost at all. Of course, that has changed dramatically, but the weight of feeling inferior and full of guilt is still there. I don’t know that I even realized that until I started writing this post!

But that is a post for another day.

Slice of life–Chronic Pain

She smiled to herself as she finished wrapping the gifts, pleased with how pretty they looked. Her husband was going to love his new tablet! An upgraded model with no cracks across the screen and a case that would remind him of her every time he used it.

She felt pretty good today, comparatively. Not too much pain, and her fingers were even cooperating as she did the wrapping. In fact, she was pretty sure it would be a good day to tackle the sewing. She could get the rest of the patches sewed onto her husband’s uniform shirts and maybe even mend a few things! That would be a relief–there was always a running “Things To Do” tab in her head, and sewing was one she had a hard time with, even on the best of days.

Looking forward to getting this done, she put away the gift wrapping supplies and turned to leave her bedroom just as her son walked into the room.

“Hey, Mom,” he greeted her. “My neck really hurts and it’s giving me a headache. Do you have anything for that?”

She smiled fondly at him. As the well-known “healer” of the family, she usually was able to help her loved ones with their more everyday issues and complaints, and even some not so every day ones. Too bad she often had no answers for herself. “Of course, sweety.”

She turned and selected one of the many containers of pain-relieving rubs that she had stashed strategically all over the house. This one contained magnesium and CBD. As she rubbed it on her son’s neck, her fingers easily found a knot between his shoulder and the base of his neck, and she worked at it until it started to ease up. While she did this, she gave him a short explanation about tension headaches and how your muscles can refer pain to other areas of your body.

Once he seemed to feel some relief and had thanked her, she headed into the kitchen for a glass of water before starting the sewing. But suddenly, a wave of fatigue and nausea swept over her. She grasped the kitchen counter for support. The air felt hot, and her usually sore body started ramping up the pain.

She groaned. For real? Just like that?? It would seem that she hadn’t realized she had only one “spoon” left for the day, and she had given it to her son. There would be no sewing today. She got angry for a moment. Not at her son; she wouldn’t change helping him, not for a second. She was angry at her body, at her frailty, at this stupid disease called Fibromyalgia that seemed to be the master of her life, no matter how hard she tried to tell it otherwise.

For a few moments, she thought she might fight it and try to do the sewing anyway. But no, she remembered the last time she’d tried to sew when she wasn’t feeling her best. It had been a disaster and she had ended up in angry tears, with more work than when she started.

Besides, the pain wasn’t playing around today. She sighed and rearranged her thoughts, something she was also very practiced at. She had a very good book she was reading on her Kindle and now she could lie down and read it! Fun! But something deep inside still groaned at feeling like a lazy failure as she limped slowly to her room.

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This is real. This is me. I don’t share how I feel or how hard things are most of the time, except with those closest to me. These are my reasons:

• I, myself, dislike when people “whine” about their problems all the time, so I won’t be one of them
• There is no use talking about it constantly when it is what it is
• Focusing on it makes it feel worse, better to distract myself with other things
• Nobody cares, for the most part. And I don’t say that in a sad way, just that we all have our own lives and problems and mostly, it’s a rare person that says “How are you?” and really wants to hear!
• Lots of people actually don’t believe anyway, and that’s hard to bear. I have a hard enough time in my own head. Nobody is rougher on me than me. I have terrible Imposter Syndrome (I think that’s what you’d call it?) about everything that I do or feel, I swear, so I don’t need anyone else telling me I don’t actually feel what I feel. As if I want to be like this…

But this journey is hard. And lonely. And a huge part of me wishes I could just stop. Get off the carnival ride. I’m done, God, I am so done. It’s not that I’m suicidal, please don’t get me wrong. Nothing like that. It’s just that I am so worn down, so tired. My brain is so tired, my body hurts so much. Some days, I lie in bed crying, the pain is so bad, and I think to myself that no human can live for long with this much pain. Luckily, God knows that too and those days don’t last.

I’m not the only one, I know this. My heart has love for every person who struggles, no matter what the pain is or why it is there. I feel you; I see you.

I will probably regret sharing this because I am such a private person, but right now, at this moment in time, I just think that maybe it’s good to reach out and feel a connection with… something. I’m loved, I know this, and so I am lucky. But sometimes I still feel so very frustrated, hopeless, and alone.

Types of Intelligence: 9 Types

Verbal-Linguistic:

• Well-developed verbal skills
• Uses words effectively to achieve an objective
• Has a rich vocabulary and the ability to use it
• Enjoys reading and probably writing, as well
• Has an easy grasp on languages as a whole
• Those with this type are often good at and prefer reading, writing, poetry, telling stories, languages, playing word games, teaching
• Occupations include author, novelist, poet, translator, teacher, journalist, motivational speaker, politician, librarian, secretary, editor, English teacher, talk-show host, typist, speech pathologist

Mathematical-Logical:

• Able to think abstractly & conceptually
• Sees logical or numerical patterns
• High capacity for problem-solving
• High capacity for inductive & deductive reasoning and calculating ability
• Can spot trends, patterns, and relationships easily
• Thinking process is sequenced and orderly
• Non-verbal type of intelligence
• Those with this type are often good with numbers & math, solving mysteries and logic problems, doing puzzles, counting, computers, doing calculations, playing strategy games, developing and proving hypotheses
• Occupations include mathematician, scientist, engineer, accountant, investigative journalist, detective, scientist, actuary, statistician, bookkeeper, technician, science teacher

Musical:

• Able to discern sounds and break them down easily, understanding their pitch, tone, rhythm, and timber
• Can easily memorize songs & tunes
• Comfortable with & often desire music playing in the background while performing other tasks
• Highly sensitive to sounds, especially those that others often miss
• Those with this type are often good at singing, playing instruments, composing, listening to/enjoying music
• Occupations include musician, composer, conductor, DJ, vocalist, sound engineer, music critic, piano teacher, songwriter, director, music teacher

Visual-Spatial:

• Capable of mentally thinking of the world in 3D images; can see the world in the “mind’s eye”
• Can visualize things abstractly and accurately; for instance, if you say to think about a cube, they can envision one from all angles
• Capable of “tweaking” an image in their brain to picture the end result; for instance, looking at a floral sofa and seeing it recovered in denim
• Usually creative and skilled in some sort of fine art, whether it be painting, drawing, sculpture, etc., or something more modern, like graphic design
• Very imaginative
• Highly aware of surroundings
• Sharp sense of direction & good at navigation
• Tends toward daydreaming
• Those with this type are good at drawing and painting, reading maps, architecture, fixing things, construction, design, solving mazes, jigsaw puzzles
• Occupations include artist, architect, designer, pilot, inventor, mechanic, engineer, sculptor, graphic artist, surveyor, urban planner, interior decorator, seamstress, cartographer, guide

Bodily-Kinesthetic:

• Able to use the body in the expression of ideas & feelings; adept in the art of body language
• High sense of body awareness, understanding capabilities & physical limitations
• Comfortable with physical contact
• Handles objects skillfully; deft & economical with movement
• Enjoys creating things with the hands & hands-on activities
• Those with this type are often good at dancing, acting, sports, anything hands-on, athletics
• Occupations include dancer, acrobat, athlete, firefighter, craftsman, performer, surgeon, carpenter, mechanic, farmer, forest ranger, mime, artist, physical therapist

Interpersonal:

• Capable of detecting and responding appropriately to the moods, motivations, and desires of others
• Possesses higher than average communication skills, both verbal & non-verbal
• Can easily spot differences among people, even in a large crowd
• Has a wide circle of friends & acquaintances
• Able to look at things from various perspectives instead of just one’s own
• Those with this type are often good at working in teams, talking to others, helping others, mediating, cooperation, counseling, seeing from all perspectives, empathizing
• Occupations include social worker, actor, counselor, minister, teacher, salesperson, business person, politician, sociologist, anthropologist, psychologist, nurse, travel agent

Naturalist:

• Able to recognize and categorize plants, animals, and other natural objects as well as objects that are naturally in one’s environment
• Has an attraction toward environment, plants, and animals
• Loves the outdoors
• Connects easily with animals
• Has a knack for making plants grow (green thumb)
• Easily “reads” own natural environment
• Those with this type often prefer and are good at camping, hiking, caring for animals, growing plants, science
• Occupations include agriculturist, forest or park ranger, scientist, landscaper, botanist, astronomer, chef, geologist, marine biologist, animal trainer, farmer, zoologist, meteorologist

Intrapersonal:

• Those who know themselves best
• Understands self, feelings, needs & wants
• Introspective; prone to self-reflection
• Appreciates & respects the human condition in general, applies own feelings to others and respects them in kind
• Self-motivated
• Independent learner
• Not dependent on others to plan or direct one’s life
• Usually shy & introverted and prefer to keep to oneself
• Those with this type often know their own strengths & weaknesses, understand their feelings, design abstract theories, are deep thinkers, are philosophical and reflective, prefer to work independently, are self-motivated
• Occupations include psychologist, philosopher, researcher, theorist, spiritual leader, guidance counselor, therapist, entrepreneur, theologian

Existential:

• Sensitive to and capable of tackling deep questions about humanity
• Concerned with issues outside of those perceived by the five senses
• Thrive on intellectual debate
• Challenge societal norms
• Those with this type can see “the bigger picture,” are passionate & genuinely curious about the life’s deepest questions, are interested in society & those around them but also like to remain outsiders, ask probing questions to prove truths & disprove untruths
• Occupations include psychologist, philosopher, theologian, scientist, motivational speaker, psychic, yoga instructor, meditation instructor, spiritual advisor, life coach, CEO

(I looked at multiple sites to compile these lists.)

Types of Intelligence: “Smarts”

Okay, so I said I was going to write the types in a separate post to make it easy to find. It took me a couple of days because I did a whole school project on it, haha. But hey, how do we grow unless we really sink ourselves into what we are doing? I think I will split this into pieces!

FLUID INTELLIGENCE:
‘The “general ability to think abstractly, reason, identify patterns, solve problems, and discern relationships.” It is something that depends mainly on one’s native ability, and not something that can be obtained or acquired through education, training, or even experience and exposure to various environmental factors.’ (https://www.cleverism.com/types-of-intelligence/)

Apparently, we use this when solving puzzles, riddles, and trying to figure out various problem-solving strategies. Hm, okay, this makes sense!

According to this site, this is what people refer to as “street smarts,” although that is kind of odd. I mean, I can see how it can be, but I think it’s deeper than all that. Or perhaps it’s just how we are trained to think of street smarts? I was always told by the street-smart kids that you are either street smart or book smart. But I know two very street-smart guys (who I would consider street smart in different ways, incidentally) who are actually pretty bad at problem-solving. They have no patience for it and almost seem to the outside observer not even to be able to come up with good strategies. On the flip side, I grew up with people who are quite willing to examine a problem from all sides to find solutions, and we are all definitely what you’d call book-smart. So what gives?

Hmm, but perhaps there’s more. The problems I have mainly seen these two guys get frustrated at or give up on right away – are they mostly academic? Maybe that has some bearing on the issue? I don’t know, just trying to understand this. And perhaps we book-smart people over-think problems? (I do!) And yes, I know it truly isn’t that cut and dry between people. Most of us aren’t strictly one or the other. But for the sake of classification to understand the terms, I’m pushing people into boxes.

CRYSTALLIZED INTELLIGENCE
“This type of intelligence is the opposite of fluid intelligence in the sense that it is about having knowledge and skills that are obtained through education, learning and experience. While fluid intelligence basically remains the same throughout a person’s life, crystallized intelligence can actually increase.” (same website as above)

Obviously, easy examples are learning vocabulary or math skills. As you learn more, you retain more. I guess that’s why these two types of intelligence get more credit? They seem to be the easiest to build upon and quantitatively measure.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
“Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-intelligence) Apparently, this entails at least three different skills:

• The ability to identify and name your own emotions, i.e., emotional awareness
• The ability to control your emotions and apply them to things like thinking, solving problems, etc.
• The ability to manage emotions in general, including regulating your own emotions and helping others do it, too

Here are some of the characteristics of people with a high EQ:

• Highly aware of their own emotional state, positive or negative
• Identifies & manages their emotions
• Tuned in to others’ emotions & can help them identify & manage feelings
• Able to read facial and body-language emotions
• Can learn from the past (emotionally) to understand present emotional situations
• Understands the underlying meanings that emotions convey, IE anger can signal a dangerous person, a happy person can be more agreeable on a team, and sad people often need alone time

From what I’ve read from the co-founder himself of Emotional Intelligence, it can be learned/taught, if one is willing to put one’s mind to it, just like with anything else. (And I can attest that this is very true!) While he says that it is a very important trait to hone, it is no more important than IQ, and certainly is no better predictor of success, happiness, intelligence, motivation, optimism, etc. Those are personal qualities, while EQ is about learning to regulate and understand emotions themselves.

However, he suggests that having a higher EQ can be a buffer against depression. This makes sense to me because I have seen it in my life. And not just against depression, but against many overwhelming emotions. I’ve found that the better I am at specifically naming my emotions, the less they overcome my life. Saying “I am angry” or “I am depressed” is so unspecific and doesn’t do anything to help me get to the root of my issue and how I can help myself. And yes, it might feel conversely good to wallow in that feeling for a while, but not for long. Anger and despair quickly wreak havoc on our lives if we don’t manage them. Naming the emotions behind them, however, usually starts the process of relief, as we then can begin to understand what we truly feel and why.

So there we have it: the first part of my trip into understanding more about intelligence as a whole!

Ruminating Audibly

I wonder how many other people have to talk things out in order to understand what they think. Does that even make sense?

I came across a quote by Flannery O’Connor quite awhile back that perfectly described how I journal: “I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” This phrase is such perfection for me! There’s so much going on in my head that I can’t sort it out unless I get it out. The same applies to when I have to say something– and trust me, I’m so much worse at communicating via speech than writing. The thing is, if I could rewind time after I’ve heard my long story, most of the time I could cut it down and give it to you Reader’s Digest style. But… I just can’t seem to do that until I know what I’m going to say.

Yeah, folks, it’s apparently as much of a mystery to me as it is to everyone else!

My husband is so delicate about this, it’s kind of hilarious. He’ll tell me, “Honey, I love your stories, I really do! They’re so cute and full of details! But sometimes it would be helpful if you could just… I don’t know, maybe get to the point a little faster?”

This doesn’t offend me because I know I need the skill, and I really have been trying to work on it! (Honestly? I think all I’ve been doing is making myself anxious about it so I apologize more often and make things even longer and, now, awkward. Sigh.)

But here’s the whole point of this entry. My sister and I were talking about this whole thing the other day– when we were talking about intelligence and a host of other topics!– and she gave me the perfect thoughts about it. So perfect, in fact, that I transcribed her message to me. I want to remember it whenever I start to worry about the way I Think Out Loud.

Here we go:

It’s not about what you could have said in 12 seconds, it’s about all the stuff around that. And if you’re telling somebody the long way, it’s because you care about them. Only the people who don’t need full understanding get the, “Here, have this little bit; have just enough for you to know.” But you want the people you love to understand you, so you’re saying ALL the Things.

And also… that’s the way your brain thinks! It’s a family thing.

Often, to say a Thing outside yourself (and fully understand its meaning), you have to use all the words and think all the way around it, then come back. THEN, if you were to re-listen to yourself, you could paraphrase what you just said. So really, when you’re told or think you talk too much, it’s like this: Well, you could have chopped down that tree with a chainsaw. But you had to go to the store, get the actual chainsaw, get the chain, get the oil, then put the chain on, oil it, put the fuel in– Do All the Stuff. Then you had to get yourself to the tree, THEN chop it down. Yeah, in retrospect, you could have just chopped the tree down, but you needed all of the other things to support the IDEA of even being ABLE to do it. Some people, they must just think, oh, I gotta chop down this tree and I need to use a chainsaw. Then, yada yada yada, got the chainsaw and… it’s done. The end. And so maybe they just tune out and don’t really think about or engage with any of the process until they get to the last step? Until they are at the result? But to people like us, it’s a whole process, and every single step is important and takes thought and contributes to the whole story. Maybe we should be feeling sorry for people who don’t communicate like us instead of trying to become them?

Of course, the idea isn’t that we should go around feeling sorry for everyone because they aren’t just like us. I think that maybe some people just like to focus solely on the goal and the process really isn’t all that important. For story tellers, creative people, and other types, however, it is quite a different matter. I think there is often a pretty big disparity in this between men and women, but that is just a personal observation from my own and family and friends’ lives, haha.

Anyway, I think this has gotten long enough, don’t you? 😉

PS– Although I love a certain Ed Sheeran song, I did not think of it when trying to title this particular post. Apparently, you can’t just title your blog post anything you want, even if you are some nobody in a little corner of the blog-o-verse. Yay for synonyms, haha!

Intellectualism

How has intelligence in my family shaped me and my siblings? My sister and I had a long talk about this today, and it was really interesting! We were raised in a pretty “smart” family. For the most part, we were urged to get good grades, and it didn’t take any of us that much effort to do so. (With some exceptions, although I think a lot of that was self-inflicted because of the family emphasis on everyone being smart.)

For my part, being highly intelligent was a huge part of my self image. I didn’t have much in the way of self esteem or ego growing up. I can say now that I was naturally pretty in my own way, naturally thin (until the babies came along, haha), and probably had some talents that I never developed because I didn’t recognize them. But as a child and young adult, I didn’t ever recognize anything about myself, except my intelligence. Somehow, that alone was okay to say about myself. Why?

Perhaps it was because my father was intellectual, as well as his entire family, and they really weren’t shy about it. It’s kind of a family trait on my dad’s side to value intellectualism. Just ask my mom! My mom is no dummy, by the way. She is a well-rounded individual who can figure her way out of almost any problem. She just doesn’t care so much like my entire dad’s side… hahaha.

But that’s kind of how we all turned out, I suppose. To varying degrees. I think we’ve lessened it and learned that there are many types of intelligence in the world. I value emotional intelligence quite highly over almost any other kind. But, well, now I get rather snooty about that, too. As in, “You won’t take the time or energy to look into yourself? You don’t think it’s important to understand your emotions/ to understand others’ motivations/ etc? Well, that’s just so lazy and ridiculous!” So I guess I am still doing it, darnit!

Let’s rewind a bit. Things came easily to me as a young person. I never really studied; I got very good grades for the most part; I loved, and still do love, to learn. These are family traits that all of us share. When you grow up with shared traits and then go out into the world, it takes awhile to get used to other types of people. Often, you never fully let go of the idea of “other.” Does that makes sense? At some point, the healthiest way to think is: “we all,” with the understanding that each of us is unique, but humans are so intent on labeling and putting things into groups that we jealously hold on to the concept of otherness. Right now, I am trying to root that out of myself. It’s a concept I do not wish to retain.

One of the things I learned today was that there are quite a few more types of intelligence than I had previosly known. (I will list those in a separate blog to make it easier for me to find.) So yes, knowledge is power, but it’s a matter of which type of knowledge it is, why you wanted that power to begin with, and what you do with that knowledge after you get it. There’s a lot that goes into that little statement.

I might come back to revisit this. My writing always sounds choppy and like it never gets to the point, to me. I feel like I can never quite make it to that epiphany I am trying to reach, and it is frustrating. But usually if I come back another day and reread, it either makes sense or I can make it do so!

Blog Beginning

It has been forever since I have used this site! When I started it, I thought I would use it for writing, but life got in the way and I never even got started. How sad. Here it has sat, waiting for me all these years…

However, perhaps this is the perfect place to start writing my blog. I have had many journals and blogs over my time. I can’t seem to exist properly unless I am writing my thoughts! Currently, I am trying to figure out how to get my own actual domain site to host a blog on, but computer intelligence is not one of my intelligences, haha. I’ll get it sorted out eventually, but until then, I think this can work. And at least I will be using this page.

One of the things I feel like has been a running theme for years and years is that I only journal when I am upset or when my life is full of drama. I don’t like that. I know it has been my coping mechanism, and that is not a bad thing, but I want my family, especially my children, to know the real me. The full me. As it is, I feel like my blogs, especially, only represent a very certain part of me.

Truly, I haven’t been fully myself for the better half of my life, so I guess it’s been hard to really show who I am. Even I didn’t actually know me. I’ve been writing out my story on another WordPress site, but I’m terrible at remembering it is there. Maybe having this one will help me to do that one!

I’m 41 now, and I am finally getting to know myself as a woman. My opinions, my emotions, my… everything! I’m finally ALLOWED to have all those things! I wish it had been sooner, but we all have different lives, different trials, and there are reasons for all that. God knows why, and I don’t question His methods. He has always helped me through anyway. I’m grateful.

Hopefully I can start recording more of my thoughts, emotions, and growth here now as it relates to who I am truly becoming…

the birth…

Once upon a time, there was a little caterpillar.  She loved to eat, but the only things she would eat were books–and thus, a bookworm was born.  The little bookworm voraciously consumed books one after the other, every day of her life, as if the end of the world might be coming and she had to eat every last book before that tragic day arrived.  It didn’t really matter what kinds of books they were either: romances, cookbooks, mysteries, books about astrophysics, encyclopedias, popular teen novels… anything that the little bookworm could get her hands on was immediately ingested, and enjoyed.

Then one day, something strange began to happen.  The little bookworm felt full and sleepy.  She decided that, instead of consuming books, maybe she’d take a nice nap.  Crawling between the pages of a half-eaten novel, she curled up into a sleepy little ball, blinked her eyes, read the word ‘Brobdingnag’ off the page in front of her, then promptly fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.  As she slept, instinct took over, and she began chewing off pieces of the pages around her and plastering them to her body in a protective shell–and thus, a chrysalis was born.

Today, the little bookworm has been transformed.  She still loves to devour books; how could she not?  They taste so very good!   But now, she also loves telling stories.  Maybe all those words she ate gave her the wings she needed to let her imagination soar… and thus, a bookworm butterfly has been born.